Are Letters of Wishes Still Doing What Families Expect Them To?

Letters of wishes have long been a familiar feature of estate planning. For many families, they feel like the human side of an otherwise technical process: a way to explain intentions, provide guidance to trustees and preserve flexibility for the future.

But as family structures, wealth profiles and expectations continue to evolve, an important question is worth asking: are letters of wishes still doing what families expect them to do?

In practice, many are not.

What letters of wishes were meant to achieve

Traditionally, a letter of wishes serves a simple purpose. It allows an individual to explain how they would like trustees to exercise their discretion without binding them legally.

When used well, a letter of wishes can:
• Provide context behind decisions that may otherwise seem arbitrary
• Help trustees understand family dynamics and priorities
• Allow flexibility as circumstances and tax rules change
• Reduce the need to amend formal documentation every time life moves on

In theory, it is a practical and thoughtful tool — informal, adaptable and personal.

Where expectations and reality start to diverge

Treating them as quasi-binding instructions

One of the most common misunderstandings is the belief that a letter of wishes will be followed exactly as written.

In reality, trustees must exercise independent judgment. If circumstances change — or if following the letter would conflict with their duties — they may have no choice but to depart from it.

Families are often surprised when this happens, especially if expectations were never properly managed at the outset.

Allowing letters to become outdated

Life rarely stands still, but letters of wishes often do.

Marriage, divorce, second families, business sales, health issues and changing relationships can all shift the balance of what feels appropriate or fair. A letter written several years ago may no longer reflect reality — yet trustees may still feel obliged to give it weight.

An outdated letter can be worse than no letter at all if it creates tension or misunderstanding between beneficiaries.

Using letters to avoid difficult conversations

For some families, a letter of wishes becomes a substitute for communication rather than a complement to it.

Sensitive issues — unequal provision, succession plans or concerns about a beneficiary’s behaviour — are sometimes parked in a letter rather than discussed while the individual is alive.

The result is that trustees inherit unresolved family dynamics, and beneficiaries may feel blindsided with no opportunity for clarification.

Overloading letters with detail

Another pattern advisers increasingly see is letters of wishes that attempt to foresee and direct every possible scenario.

Long, prescriptive documents may feel reassuring, but they can undermine flexibility, place trustees in an impossible position and increase the risk of dispute.

Modern families, modern pressures

Today’s private client landscape is more complex than ever. Blended families, international assets, entrepreneurial wealth and longer life expectancies all add layers of difficulty.

At the same time, beneficiaries are often better informed, more willing to question decisions and less tolerant of opaque processes.

In this environment, a letter of wishes written in isolation may fall short of what families expect it to achieve.

So, are letters of wishes still useful?

Yes — but they are most effective when used deliberately, realistically and kept under review.

A well-considered letter of wishes can still be extremely valuable when it is reviewed regularly, understood properly and used alongside broader communication rather than instead of it.

Rethinking the role of the letter

For many families, it may be time to rebalance expectations. Instead of viewing the letter of wishes as a place to control outcomes, it may work better as a guiding narrative that reflects values and principles rather than rigid instructions.

How We Help

As private client solicitors, our role goes beyond preparing documents. We help families think carefully about what their planning is really meant to achieve and whether the tools they rely on are still fit for purpose.

When it comes to letters of wishes, this often means helping clients clarify expectations, supporting regular reviews, striking the right balance between guidance and flexibility, and identifying when issues would be better addressed through open conversation rather than documentation alone.

We also work closely with trustees and other advisers to ensure everyone involved understands the purpose of the letter and the context in which decisions will need to be made.